Monday, August 23, 2010
Here's what is crazy: I sincerely thought God was my source-- for strength, for guidance, for wisdom.
And don't get me wrong: I would hear from Him, and even operated in the spiritual gifts He gave me.
But after all these years, I've discovered (much to my shock and dismay) that I was letting a human guide me-- I pursued God (and sometimes obeyed Him) according to how this human behaved and set the example.
But here's what is worse... I actually expected that human to get everything right-- comments, situational analysis, instruction, behavior: everything. And who can live up to that kind of pressure?
Because-- you know me!-- if I think something, I generally share it. So, if I look to *you* to explain something to someone, and you don't do it "right," then I'll give you... uh... "feedback" on that lack.
Wow. I had no idea-- that was idolatry. (As well as incredibly unfair of me.)
If anyone had asked me if I practiced Idoloatry, I'd DEFINITELY have said NO! (I even objected to the contest name "American Idol!!" ;) But it looks like I was full-out practicing idolatry--expecting a human to be my source and to get everything right.
Of course, if you'd asked me whether I truly expected someone to be right all the time, I'd have said no-- and had all the examples of when this person got it wrong to prove it!
Now, I've helped to create a mess. (Terrific quote I heard today: God will use your "mess" to deliver the "message" and will use your "test" to create a "testimony.")
But my God-- the real one, Jesus/YahWeh/Holy Spirit/Jehovah Nissi-- has come on the scene.
He has said He will clean this mess up. He will right the wrongs. He will DEFEND & SAVE.
In the meantime, He is walking me through this. And helping me re-focus on Who my Source is.
And I gotta tell you, I have never EVER seen such minute attention and concern from ANYONE as I have from my loving, heavenly Father. It has been astonishing-- even though I've seen miracles, deliverances and experienced powerful moves of God in the past, I have NEVER seen such minute concern and ministry as I have these last 6 weeks or so.
Now-- I gotta go. He's working on changing me!
OH!!! I must must must recommend the book, Two Fleas & No Dog by Craig Hill. It's in paperback or on audio CD. Get it asap!!! Really!!!!